Say What You Mean. Mean What you Say.

On a daily basis, how many people do you think you communicate with? Honestly, that number is probably too high to count because it's so many. Maybe when you wake up in the morning you chit chat with your siblings or parents then you get to school and say hello to all your friends/teachers and it goes on and on from there. With out even noticing or stopping to think about it, you've probably spoke with at least 50 people by the time afternoon comes rolling around. Now, imagine by the end of the day what that number increases to.

Overall, as teens you talk a lot and that's okay. When communicating with your peers or family members you often give either verbal or non verbal cues. Verbal cues are ones that you use through words whereas non-verbal cues can be through body language or tone of voice. Sometimes we think we are giving a clear message but in actuality it is not perceived that way. Have you ever asked a friend, "How are you?" and even though their response is "I'm fine," their body language or tone of voice says otherwise? That can happen at times which can be very confusing because it's sending a mix message.

Sometimes one sentence can communicate multiple different messages or meanings, depending on words you emphasize or the tone you say it in. How you mean to say something might be processed differently by the listener so keep that in mind during your next conversation you have.

First Impressions

First impressions can mean a lot, right? It ultimately can set the image of how someone views you. Imagine you are meeting your boyfriend/girlfriends parents for the first time. What first impression do you want to make? What body language will you demonstrate to them or what tone of voice will you use? Below are some of the answers we came up with. See if any of them match what you said.

• Shaking their hands

• Eye contact

• Confidence

• Excited to meet them

• Good posture

All these little things can add up to one great or not so great impression. Being mindful of body language and tone of voice can help us communicate our feelings or leave an everlasting impression on someone. The more you pay attention to the little details the better you can perceive someone when they are communicating with you but also have others understand you better.

What's Your Style?

With out even knowing, you probably have communicated in multiple different styles. I know, crazy that communication has styles but it's true. There are 3 styles that are associated with communication; passive, aggressive and assertive.

Passive Communication:

A passive communicator will demonstrate non verbal cues such as looking down or away; using a quiet tone of voice; or have slumped shoulders for posture. When they speak, they usually have a shaky tone in their voice with not a lot of confidence. It may be hard for a listener to take the speaker seriously because it can appear as if they are unsure.

Aggressive Communication:

Someone who uses this style will often use accusations or insults to get their point across. They tend to have loud, demanding voices and will use non verbal cues such as pointing their finger or crossing their arms. It is often that people will try to avoid the speaker because they feel threatened or think they are rude.

Assertive Communication:

These communicators will state their needs in a calm, firm tone of voice while making eye contact and stand with confidence. They are able to get their point across and ask for what they want/need with out any insults or hurting the person. People respond to this communication with respect and they truly listen to what they say.

After reading each brief description of the communication styles, which do you think is most effective? Hopefully you said assertive communication because that style will have the listener engaged, comfortable and will speak with assurance to give off that confident vibe. People who use assertive communication are often noticed and can get the results they want with out disrespecting others and coming off as unsure.

It's More Than Just Talking

Another great tip to focus on when practicing effective communication is listening. Active listening is a tool that can go a long way. It's when a person focuses on what the speaker is saying and are fully present/engaged in the conversation. Characteristics of an active listener include:

• Eye contact

• Avoids planning their response

• Eliminates distractions

• Taking the speaker seriously

• Small gestures like head nodding

Effective communication takes effort and hard work for both the speaker and the listener. The more you practice your communication skills the better you will become at it. Keep in mind that you want to try your best to be assertive when speaking with others and also an active listener when you aren't the speaker.

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